just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's always time for handjobs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
