Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
