Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
