there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My underwear smells like fireworks.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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