Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
