I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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