Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
