Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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