suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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