dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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