3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
