Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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