I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
