i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
