one might say we're banned from that church
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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