I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
