Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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