Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize