Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
