did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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