theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize