He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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