I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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