I think my vagina is haunted
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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