I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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