ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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