I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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