I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
