she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize