You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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