I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
