I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
