I hate all girls vehemently.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
