I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
