while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize