i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
