it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
