Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
