I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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