Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
