I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
