That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
