tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
