why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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