broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
