fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
