i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
