Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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