hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
