I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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