I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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