Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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