Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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