You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
