I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
