Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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