Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
