i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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