Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
