in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
