just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
