"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
PANTIES FOUND
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