I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize