We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
