New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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