I puked a lego.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i think i just lost a toe
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
