Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
