just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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