capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
