I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
