I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
