smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
