Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
