I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we made out on top of his cat.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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