before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
