If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
