I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize