so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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