I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
