Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
