he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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